Mother's Day is coming up, and as we approach this day let's take some time to recognize that this day may not be a glorious day for all the mamas out there. This day can be an emotionally charged day that can make people feel sad, lonely, or rehash painful memories.... whatever the personal reason may be. When Bella was in her primary years, I use to hate this day a lot. Of course I knew Bella wouldn’t be making me a card, or present me with dandelions picked especially for me. To be honest, for a while I use to be jealous that I'd never get to celebrate like all the other mothers do. After many years, I've learned that celebrating parenthood is a mixed bag that brings mixed reactions out of people... the good, the bad, and the ugly!
Bella is now 15 years old, and I am in a good headspace right now. How do I cope? TBH, I see this day as a moment in time where I know I am the lucky person to bring love, nurturing, and security to both my children and family. On most days at least... haha!
M-Day is just around the corner, and I wanted to take some time to recognize the strength and resilience of all the SickKids moms out there. Let's put it this way... this is an elite group of our own :) No one gets a SickKids mom like another SickKids mom!
I was recently invited to contribute to a video series where I was paired together with another mom. I had the pleasure of meeting Sumayya for the first time on set as we shared our experiences as caregivers and moms to children who've spent time at SickKids. Sumayya's son, Qais is a cancer survivor, and you can learn more about their journey, @lifeofqais. We both had to write a letter to express our shared experiences of what it is like to be a SickKids mom. Hope you enjoy this!
Here is the full letter that I wrote (unedited)...
I learned that Bella would be different when she was 12 months old. I quickly learned that she would have different needs. Different expectations. And a different path. I’m not going to lie. This life wasn’t the life I planned for. I was afraid. I felt alone. I didn’t understand what was unfolding right in front of me.
As I learned about my daughter’s complex needs, I found myself crying at the playground one day. At the age of 3, she wasn’t able to walk, run, or jump like the other kids around her. I remember feelings of jealousy in the pit of my stomach whenever I heard other kids say “Mommy, push me higher.” This was a tough moment in time that broke my heart into a thousand pieces. I was reminded in many ways that Bella is different.
That night I remember holding my tiny little girl so tightly and protectively in my arms as the tears ran down my face. I was afraid about this child I already loved so much, and didn’t realize that my daughter’s greatest contribution to me was her existence.
My daughter is disabled and living with a rare genetic disorder. And as I read this out loud today, I know I can smile. I smile because on my cloudiest days, there was someone who let the sunshine in. They reminded me that my daughter was in good hands. Actually many hands.
There is a very special place called SickKids. A community. A community of care.
As I quickly push my daughter in her wheelchair towards the Emergency Department, there are many nurses there to ensure that she has everything she needs to keep her safe.
As I try to hold it together when I see the doctors enter the room to share an unexpected result, I realize that I am among the top medical staff who are ready to support my family and I.
As I wait anxiously in the Surgical Waiting Room, there is another mom there who is going through the same feelings as I am. She reminds me that it will be okay.
This is what I know about having a child growing up at SickKids.
It is heavy. And it is hard.
But I know that there is a community of doctors, specialists, nurses, and other moms just like me.
This life with a kid at SickKids will be okay.
I am learning that it is a life of learning and letting go.
Sometimes it is difficult. Very difficult. And almost impossible.
But I know that I can do hard things.
Bella is different. Beautifully different.
And my life is a life that is full to the brim.
It is a life of struggle and progress.
A life of heartbreak and healing.
A life of uninhibited love and undeniable joy.
I am learning how to live my full true story of love and belonging, sharing this with my family, friends and a community of people just like me.
When Bella smiles at me, I am reminded,
I Got This.
Thank you to the SickKids team for sharing this platform with us, and for making this opportunity so meaningful for our family too! Learn more about donating to SickKids to support children and youth like Qais and Bella.
