It’s been a while since I’ve taken some time to write, but the last two weeks have been glorious. Eight days in Mexico, followed by a week to decompress over March Break at home. While Peter returned back to work, Bella restarting IBI therapy at the clinic, and Petie sleeping into the late afternoon, I have to say I've been enjoying my time alone! Over the past year, I can confidently say that my day to day has been full of goodness. Sure we had our scares with Bella’s seizures and her usual ups and downs with her health, but overall it's been full of life. I’m still learning that life wants me to grow, as I’m always figuring out how to let go of control, and to trust the ones around me.
I’m not sure where I’m going with this post, but I don’t want this to be a post of overcoming, achieving or meeting an end goal. I want this share to give you a glimpse of me showing up, continuously learning how to be patient, vulnerable and taking each day by stride (trying to at least!).
If you’ve been following my Instagram, last week our family took a vacation to Mexico and stayed at the beautiful Hilton Tulum Riviera Maya All-Inclusive Resort with my cousin Ros, her husband Ron and their two kids, Lielle and Eitan. This resort was recently built, and preserved as a natural sanctuary situated directly on the white sand and clear waters of a pristine and secluded bay. With some gentle nudging from Peter and Ros, we paid a bit extra for access to the Enclave Lounge with first-class food and beverages, private pool areas, in-room amenities and more! This was a game-changer for Bella as it helped with the lower noise levels, next-to-none crowds, and amazing one-to-one service for both of our families. Yes, we were ALL spoiled!
If you know me well, I don’t like change. I love following a rigid schedule where some may see it as an obsessive behavior where I crave waking up at the crack of dawn (perhaps even before), following the same routined activities, and ensuring that Bella follows her daily tasks. Predictability is what I love.
In my day to day, I often find myself holding many things. Holding my family, my two children, our home, the meals, my friendships, my job, my troubles, my triumphs, and life’s daily trials. I do have times where I feel happy, where I can hold the whole world in my arms at ease. But I often don’t realize when my arms are trembling, about to drop to my sides until someone asks me, “.... how can I help?”
There is no denying that being a parent and caregiver of a disabled child has changed me entirely. As Bella enters her teenage years, she continues to challenge me and everything I know. I question myself. My purpose. My strength. My health.
My husband Peter is good at knowing when I’m shaking from exhaustion. As I unload the dishwasher in my passive-aggressive mode, he calls me in to remind me to slow the f&** down. In his matter-of-fact way, he will be able to catch me before I fall, and remind me that my emotions speak louder than what is on my To-Do List. He will often say to me, “If you need something, just ask.” The greatest contribution Peter provides me in our relationship is holding my hand to remind me that although I may come across accomplished and proud in my day-to-day life, it IS okay to ask for help and he reminds me that he is by my side.
Some of you have asked me how our trip to Mexico was, and how Bella and the kids did. Our family's journey to Mexico was a success! I incubated Bella from school a few days prior to ensure she was germ-free and was healthy to travel without any added stress. Bella did great on the plane, as she had her maraca in hand, and Coco Melon playing on her headphones, the 3+ hours was a smooth ride.
*If you are someone with a disability and/or know someone with a disability, check out Bella's sunflower lanyard around her neck in the picture below. The Hidden Disabilities Sunflower program is a simple tool for people to voluntarily share that they have a disability or condition that may not be immediately apparent – and that you may need a helping hand, understanding, or more time in shops, at work, on transport, or in public spaces.
With the full day of traveling and a new environment, the first 24 hours was a bit worrisome for us. Bella refused to use the bathroom the whole day along with not wanting to eat or drink. Thankfully after a good night of sleep, she was able to reset and gain her regular appetite back. In no time, she was back to her routine of requesting to go to the washroom when needed, and smiling from ear to ear in the pool.
Here is a picture of the set up in our room. We invested in the Privacy Pop tent sized for a queen bed. This provided the privacy and security Bella is used to in her own bed at home. This tent was worth purchasing as it folds up easily to fit in a regular sized suitcase, and allowed us to be in the room while Bella was sleeping. Petie’s cot squeezed between both beds was for extra security in case Bella rolled into the side of her tent overnight.
Our day-to-day was spent at the pool, where the kids enjoyed their usual orders of fish tacos, chicken poppers, and the never-ending servings of tropical fruit slushy drinks. The kids played Marco Polo, chasing each other in and out of the water, while Bella splashed her little hands and feet as they used her as a shield from getting tagged. When the sun was strong, Bella relaxed under the shaded cabana, and ensured that whoever was with her was sharing their fries. We ventured out to the beach a few times to explore, but didn’t last long because it was very rocky for Bella. Nevertheless, we can say she was in the beach!
On one of the days, everyone went on an excursion to swim with turtles in a town called Akumal. We were told it wasn’t accessible, so Bella and I didn’t mind spending some quality time together. Another strawberry daquari please!
Each evening we tried a new restaurant at the resort, filling our bellies as we laughed and enjoyed the warm breeze and sun setting views. As I listened to the four kids joke around, share their daily antics, and speak in their foreign Gen-Z lingo, I was reminded on this trip that I can relax, and I don’t have to hold Bella’s hand alone.
I saw how gentle Bella’s cousin Lielle was with her as she instinctively moved the hair out of her face and re-did her ponytail to make it nice and smooth. I noticed how Petie and Eitan knew how Bella communicated and were very aware of Bella’s happy and unsettled sounds, patiently letting her tug on their hands, clothing and jewelry as this was her way to stim. I am grateful for Ros and Ron, for sharing their family travels with ours! Ros and Ron, if you’re reading this, thank you for taking the reins to push Bella’s wheelchair as you always knew when I needed a break. Thank you for lendng a helping hand when you knew Bella needed the extra support. Thank you for reminding Peter and I that you’re okay with Bella, and for giving us some respite to relax and spend some time alone.
And thank you for all the late evening cheers!
Here are a few more candid shots from our trip that will stay dear to my heart.
Until next time :)